In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
