It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
