I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
