He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
