Swine flu. Run for my life!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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