Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
