so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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