i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
