I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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