I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
