My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
