if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
