do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
