I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
