Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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