Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
