Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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