Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We need a shit load of segways right now
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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