Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
a search helicopter?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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