I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
