I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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