He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
