I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
