Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
