I accidentally had phone sex last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
