I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
