since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
