She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
