I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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