watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
