I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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