Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
