yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
