wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
