He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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