I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
