I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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