omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
