My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
