Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
