Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
