I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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