i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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