may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
