i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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