Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
