I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
