girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
