I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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