Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
