I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
