i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
