I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
