literally had 100 drinks last night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
